Imaginatorium

My mind has found a new playground. Somehow I missed the memo about Itunes U- a free section where almost any course of thought can be found in podcast form (including music lessons, mathematic lectures, marketing classes! This is amazing!!)

I am currently listening to a podcast entitled “What Makes a Terrorist.” Why, might you ask? Because earlier I read a Time magazine article about Iraqi suicide bombers… and honestly, it shook me to the core.

The podcast is discussing how Poverty and a lack of Education are not necessarily the direct causes of terrorism. I agree. The Time article interviewed a young Iraqi who was a bomber in training. He was from a semi-wealthy family and was very well educated. He had chosen to pursue training because he wanted to kill as many infidels as possible, for the glory of Alla. He had his reasons, his convictions, and he knew his stuff… he felt called to kill Americans.

Not all Muslim people feel this way. Not all Iraqi’s or Pakistani’s believe that Alla wants Americans dead. Those who do believe these things feel that they are honoring their god and their country- protecting their country from Western influence and guaranteeing themselves a place in heaven.

I think this is why Jesus’ words are so real to me… they are so unlike man’s ideas. Instead of saying “Kill your enemies” He says “love”. Instead of saying “you need to do something for me to guarantee a spot in Heaven” He says “I bought your place in eternity… trust in Me.” What man would say such a thing when killing and wiping out towns is a much easier way to get things accomplished? I know the old testiment has a lot of examples of God calling for the destruction of Israel’s enemies… and of war… and of killing those who dishonor Him… but Christ’s blood put an end to that!

I suppose if you don’t have Christ, you don’t have a reason to follow His teachings… in many ways, there are terrorists here in America, in Europe, in China- people who follow a different set of rules.

This war is real… this battle for the hearts the minds of people… it is so difficult to define.

“The promise you made is ready to be fullfilled, for we’re broken and bleeding and needing a savior…”
-Rick Hopkins, Lift up Your eyes

I did something out of the ordinary today. Instead of doing as I always do, carefully weighing to pro’s and con’s of every major purchase and almost always ending up without, I shut my brain off. My boss’ wife bought a new Mac and it came with a free printer and a free ipod touch. When he offered me the touch (at a reduced price) I jumped on it… even though I already have a newer iPod. This event goes against all logic, all rational… Yes, I was thinking about a new PDA, but maybe when the old one died- maybe after I had my finances totally in order. I bought something on impulse… something quality… this is so not like me.

I suppose it’s all alright as I am working a lot more this week. While I won’t be getting overtime, I will be able to comp a day… so I can save it for my vacation time next year (and not worry so much about losing half a paycheck!) I decided to put my new little friend to use… to remind myself what I could be doing with my Saturday- and what I have to do.

My dream Saturday

My Actual Day

As sad as it is to know that my creative energy must be saved for another day, I am thankful for the job and for the hours. By getting out of work around 9 this evening, I actually got to see the sunset! (for the first time in… a while!) I haven’t seen some of those colors in a sunset before… the splendor of God’s creation never ceases to amaze me!

Beautiful colors

It's like a rainbow

Blues and Oranges... don't see that color combo much

Even though things feel a bit crazy right now, I know this season will pass fairly quickly. I am excited for the kids who have yet to see their new high school… and I am excited to be a part of such a neat organization- even if I lose my 3 day weekend

I ran the stairs today at work. Up and down… floor to floor. I managed to get a few computers moved along the way. It was quite an exhausting day.

Afterwards, I met up with my friend Diana for coffee and a walk. The walk ended up lasting almost two hours as we walked about 7 miles around Lake Eastbrook (according to google maps, anyway.) D is trying to get me to train for a triatholan, so I suppose this is a good place to start

God is teaching me a lot about taking things one step at a time. Be it stairs, walking, or getting things done at work… I can’t do it all at once. As much as I want to be at point Z, I’ve gotta start with points A, B, and C. There’s a logical order to things for a reason, and the timing needs to be trusted to Him.

For instance, our high school needs to be ready for students by Tuesday. Before teachers can start moving in, we need to get occupancy permits. Before we can get the permits, everything inside needs to be set. We can’t set things up without desks, which can’t be installed until other details are in place. I could very well panic- I sorta want to panic- but instead I am trusting that all will be done. I really wish I had a few more details about how things will work out… but I don’t, not at this moment. I am OK with it.

Step by step, day by day… there is a theme song that goes this way! Every day we will get a new piece of the puzzle- I know this is my calling and I shall work my hardest to serve my Lord. Even through mountains and mine fields, I shall take each day… step by step.

Edit: Apparently our walk was only 4.6 miles… not 7. Google maps lied to me! Either way, it was a really nice walk- especially at dusk

Heather and her Jesus bear

Heather was only three when the Lord took her home. She would have turned 7 this year.

Although 4 years have passed since this beautiful little girl lost her fight to cancer, my heart still aches for her family- and a future that could have been. Her family saw her through almost two years of needles, tests, and chemo. I followed the updates almost daily, praying for a miracle… God, apparently, wanted her home.

Even today, I don’t know how to respond. My heart is torn with grief, yet I struggle to cry. A co-worker told me that crying is OK… all I want to do is run. Apparently, I felt the same way when I first found out.

I feel really numb. I tried running away for a bit- went to Dr Stevens’ house. It was nice hanging with them for a while. I also called up my friends in Detroit and talked to them. They were the ones that notified me about Heather. They are really upset about it all… I still don’t know how to feel. -My xanga, Aug 28, 2004

I don’t know why God allows children to die. I don’t know how He listens to the tears and pain of mothers and fathers who are not ready to let go of their little ones. If I were an outsider, I would scream “WHY” and succumb to the pain- but I’m not. I know that only in death can we truly live. Heather is no longer in pain, she no longer deals with needles and drugs. She is safe in the arms of Jesus- far from the terrors of this world. Her story has reached thousands of people, and it continues to impact her family daily as they turn to Christ for support. It is days like today where I find myself holding onto Him with all I have left.

“This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held”-Natalie Grant

In case anyone has noticed, there have been a few changes to this blog. For one, it is officially upgraded (woohoo!) and will be undergoing a redesign. For two, well- I’m still working on that one.

Construction is a theme that has been on my mind a lot today. My co-workers and I spent most of our day moving computers from one side of town to the new High School on campus. It was the first time I had been inside the spacious two story building. I am amazed at how much of a change it has ungone in the last few weeks- it is almost ready for classes! (keyword: Almost. None of the computers are set up (my job!) and the elevator is not yet operational.)

Our entire campus is abuzz with the sounds of construction. I don’t think any of our buildings have missed out on some form of reconstruction (last week the admin got a new roof- and spent a day without power!) We also have two new homes in the works, while two others are being gutted and redone. It’s really quite exciting.

As I watch the big trucks and the cool asphalt roller thingy doing their jobs, I can’t help but contemplate the construction occuring inside of me. I have so much to learn, so many thoughts that I just can’t reconcile. Lately my heart has felt quite mangled… all I want to do is crawl into my ‘Daddy’s’ arms and cry because I don’t know what else to do. I feel so confused. Part of me wants to run… far far away… even farther to Nashville (my heart cries for Seattle) because I don’t know what else to do.

Regardless of my imperfections, I know that God is not yet done with me. I may look complete from the outside, but God’s still got a few computers and an elevator to install… and only in Eternity will I be truly complete.